One Year Later...

One year ago this week my life changed when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. After living with this for a year, I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts.

When I was first diagnosed, I felt so scared. I didn't know much about it, and was afraid I would have to give up bread and chocolate (kill me now!). I felt labeled, like all of the sudden I was something I hadn't been the day before: a diabetic. A scary word. I felt overwhelmed, because I knew it meant I would live with the label and illness for the rest of my life. I felt depressed, because no matter what, complications will happen at some point. Mom, if you are reading this, I am not talking about tomorrow - I am talking about SOMEDAY, in like 50 years. That was a depressing thought.

I also felt hope. Through prayers and Priesthood blessings, I was able to feel the comforting presence of the Holy Ghost, and the assurance that Heavenly Father is aware of me and of my own personal trials. I felt peace - I knew that I could handle this and that for whatever reason, I am supposed to experience this and learn from it. I felt gratitude - gratitude that my body hadn't developed this illness until now, gratitude for good medical insurance, and gratitude for doctors and nurses and scientists who have made it

possible over the years for diabetics to process glucose and live. It is completely amazing to me that someone figured how to do that. A few drops of clear liquid every day are the difference between living or not. Seriously, amazing. If I was born at a different time or in a different place, I may not have access to the insulin that keeps my body working. That is a huge blessing, and I know that I am lucky.

On to the less serious, here is what else I have learned. Diabetes is a giant pain in the butt. It is like our third child - a red-headed, naughty step child that picks it's nose and eats it. It wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me carry a long list of supplies at all times. Which, without fail, if I ever happen to forget any of the supplies, I will end up crucially needing them. It forces me to open food in the grocery store and eat it before paying for it. It makes me wear bigger pants (sniff). Sometimes it makes me extra cranky, short tempered, and extra exhausted. It is unpredictable and uncontrollable some days. Even if it is temporarily out of sight, it is never far out of mind. Just like a kid, I tell you.

I also have a new best friend called an insulin pump, and we are really, REALLY close. We do almost everything together. We laugh together, we cry together, we do the laundry together. We are pretty much joined at the hip (HAHAHA - sorry, but that is funny. I inject it right above my hip). Here is the deal with a pump for those of you that don't know these things: It does not do everything for me. I used to think that an insulin pump figured out how much insulin a person needed and did all the work for them - so that they didn't have to prick their finger or count carbs. That would be nice, but we aren't there yet. It has no idea what is going on inside of my body, except for what I tell it.

(stock photo - not me in case you were wondering :)

The pump works like this - it gives me a constant little dose of insulin throughout the day, just like a real pancreas. When I eat, I have to check my blood sugar and program in the blood sugar number, and the number of carbs I am eating. Then my magic pump does all the math for me and based on those two numbers tells me how much insulin I need to give myself. Then I program it in and it travels from the tubes into my site (usually in my front or back torso), along with a lovely little prickling sensation. Sometimes the amount is right, and sometimes it is wrong. Due to me figuring/guessing the carbs wrong, or changes in stress levels, hormones, activity level, etc. I will often go high or low.

High for me is anything over 160, low is anything under 80 (normal is around 100). When that happens, I have to correct it with more insulin (for a high), or fast sugars (juice, glucose tablets, etc.) for a low. It took me about 6 months to get my mom to understand that (love you mom!) and I was afraid she was going to inject me with insulin and kill me if I ever passed out from a low. Don't worry, she's got it now :). I am lucky and can almost always feel my lows (increased heartbeat, weak, dizzy, shaky, staring off into space for no freaking reason) before they get too scary. The highs are another story, and it is never a fun surprise to think you are fine and then do a check and see a 380 (last saturday night, after eating Indian food) pop up on the screen. On a side note, whenever my glucose meter shows a perfect 100 (rare), I kiss it and make a wish.

By the Numbers Year in Review

2,400+: the number of times I have pricked my finger this year to test my blood glucose.

5.8%: My last A1C result (an average of blood glucose over 3 months - that is a GOOD number :)

24: Number of hours per day I am attached to my insulin pump. Subtract about half an hour for showering and some other stuff...

38: My lowest low of the year - this was in the middle of the night, and I happened to have half a bag of peach rings by my bed. I ate them all and woke up with a blood sugar of around 300 and fuzzy orange teeth. Peach rings gross me out now.

365: Number of vacation days my pancreas has taken this year. Lazy little thing!

For anyone still reading (this is a long post - sorry!), I just want to say that I am honestly doing great. Everyone has their own set of problems to deal with, and I for sure don't think that mine are the worst. This year has taught me to appreciate my body and what it CAN do instead of basing its worth on how good it looks in a swimsuit. It has made Mark and I closer as he has helped me through the hard and crappy times, and I have a different kind of appreciation for him that I might not have had otherwise. It has helped me develop a greater testimony of the plan of salvation - of why we are here and that we have to experience trials on earth in order to grow and learn. I know that Heavenly Father has things for each of us to learn, and this is one of the trials that I needed to experience in order to learn those things. And if you happen to be wondering if there are brownies in heaven, the answer is YES - for all of the diabetics that can't eat them (without going high) here on earth. I am looking forward to eating an entire pan of heaven-brownies all by myself.

Better Late Than Never - Halloween Post

Merry Christmas and Happy Halloween! This one is late, but too cute not to post. The boys were the Mario Brothers this year, and their side kick, Jake was all dressed up as a flying turtle (from the game, for those of you who don't play). They were hilarious, and loved their costumes.

Wyatt now wants a mustache drawn on his face everyday. He only gets it at Grandma's house though because I am a mean mom!

Look at that face - he couldn't be more thrilled. Poor, poor dog who has to get dressed up every Halloween. Sorry Jake, until we don't think its funny anymore, you will probably get dressed up every single year. At least you aren't a mummy again this year, right?

Mario and Luigi getting ready to trick or treat. I think their eyebrows are the best part.

A couple of weeks before Halloween, before their costumes were finished, we hit the Pumpkin Walk at the Gristmill . They were totally excited to wear last year's costumes, and Wyatt has worn that dinosaur costume for pretty much part of every day since - super fun to potty train him in, by the way. Oh yeah, it also looks fabulous with a mario mustache at the same time - unbeatable combo.

We had to get our pumpkins from the Garden of Erda, just like every year. It has become a little tradition to head over there with Krystal and her girls - here is a picture of Jaxson and Maddy with our haul. I almost cried when I found out they were out of apples. We will have to go earlier next year!!

Cute boy.

Maddie* Wyatt* Jaxson*Clara

Free Shutterfly Christmas Cards!!!

It is that time of year again - time to hunt down addresses and find a good deal on Christmas cards. I never end up getting mine out until the last minute, so they are usually Christmas/Happy New year cards :). I got one the other day that was so, so cute and it was from Shutterfly. The quality was awesome, and they have a ton of cute choices if you go here. And then I saw on a friend's blog that they are doing a giveaway and I was so excited.

Shutterfly has a sweet deal going on if anyone needs free Christmas cards! All you have to do is post the link on a blog post and they give you 50 free cards - woohoo! That is right about the number of cards I need this year, so we will be set. Go here for the details. It took me about 5 minutes, and will save me around 60 bucks. They have some really cute holiday cards if you need one without pictures. We are going to go with one with pics, I think with some we took in Disneyland last week. We'll probably choose from some of these photo cards.

They also had some super cute wall calendars and photo books - maybe for the grandparents or Mark's office...fun ideas :).

Anyway, I hope someone else sees this and gets some free cards out of it. Someone who loves a deal as much as I do! Merry Christmas!

Nerd Day...or not.

Okay, this is not the 'Halloween Costume' post (I am behind!). This wasn't on Halloween, but the week before. It was red ribbon week at Jaxson's school, and each day had a theme (you know the kind: crazy hair day, career day, school color day). So we hadn't really been doing them that full out, and I was feeling like I wasn't a fun mom. The next day was nerd day, so I decided to be REALLY fun and dress Jaxson up like the best little nerd ever:

Total success! Except that when I got to the school that day to help in his class, I found out that it wasn't nerd day after all. Yep, you read that right. I dressed my kid up like a nerd and sent him to school and it wasn't nerd day. Apparently, they switched it to "What I want to be when I grow up" day at the last minute (I swear I didn't get that note). So as all his little kindergarten buddies were dressed up as firemen, policemen, and one ninja, he got to walk around like this all day.

His teacher said "It's okay, we'll just say he wants to be an accountant." And it was fine. He didn't seem to notice or care. Sorry to all of you accountants out there :).

Snowbird Getaway

On the balcony of our room

We needed a little bit of fun earlier this month so we decided to head up to snowbird for the night and sleepover. We had a blast swimming, drinking free hot chocolate, taking the tram to the top of the mountain, and eating a fancy breakfast. It is so funny how sleeping at a hotel is so awesome when you are a kid.

Waiting to get on the tram. They don't really get it yet, but they were excited anyway.

Heading up - I actually hated this part's guts. I love roller coasters, but anything that goes up high that is SLOW has always scared the crap out of me - ferris wheels, the top of the rocket at Lagoon, and now apparently trams. I just wanted to get off of this thing.

Checking out the scenery below with his 'telescope'.

My boys at the top. Notice the tight grip on the maniac. We packed a picnic dinner thinking we could spread out a blanket and eat it at the top. Ha! It was like 30 degrees and so foggy. We stayed at the top for a total of five minutes before we jumped back on the tram. We had to eat our dinner in our room instead.

Isn't it gorgeous there?! Swimming in the pool was awesome because you are surrounded by mountains - the boys LOVED the hot tub and Jaxson would have stayed in there all night if we had let him. I think his favorite part though was the free hot chocolate in the lobby. One of the times we were standing in line, there was a lady in front of us with a tattoo on her neck that said 'Jaxson' (even spelled right!). He saw that and thought it was the coolest thing ever - should we be worried? I'm pretty sure that Wyatt's favorite part was riding the elevator to and from our floor.

I Had to post this one because Jaxson actually took it. Pretty good for a five year old!

It was nice to get away, even just for the night. Our kids are at such fun ages to do stuff like that. We might have to make this one a tradition!

Soccer

Jaxson played soccer this year, and loved it! It is so funny to watch kids this age play a sport - it was basically just a big herd of kids crowded around the ball, throwing kicks (and sometimes elbows) wherever they could. Jaxson had a good time though, and even scored a couple of goals.
Running down the field with the rest of his team, the Monster Stompers. The kids get to pick their own team names, and there were some awesome ones. My personal favorite was the Rainbow Ninja Cougers.

Wyatt loved to come to the games because they were always at a park with a playground. Here is getting hydrated after some hard playing.

The classic 'high five line' after every game.

He was going to miss practice one night because he was at my mom's house, and we didn't think it was too big off a deal. When my mom told him he got really upset and said "But Grandma, I HAVE to go - we are a team and team's stick together!!!"

Kindergartener

I am way behind on posting, so I am going to try to catch up. First up is our little Kindergartner - how is he this big already?! I remember when they built the elementary school in our neighborhood and Jaxson was only 1 or 2, thinking it will be so long until he is in school. Holy cow was I wrong! I can't believe how fast that flew by. He was (of course) all smiles on the big day and wasn't scared or nervous at all.

But the day BEFORE school was a different story. He had to go get is immunizations and was terrified. He has seen me give myself shots a thousand times, and I always try to show him that it doesn't hurt, but that apparently didn't help. Here is right after, with his sucker for being brave (or kicking and screaming...one of the two).

Wyatt tagged along for the comedic relief. It worked :). And yes, that IS a black eye in case you were wondering. I can't remember how he did it, but super classy for the first day of school.

Wyatt making a break for it at the school - I think he wanted to stay with his brother. After we dropped Jaxson off and Mark went to work, I let Wyatt play outside on the empty school playground while I sat on the curb and cried! I totally didn't think I was going to do that. I was really excited for Jaxson because HE was so excited, but it is just a sad feeling when you have been their whole world, almost all day every day, and then they start this whole other part of their life. He LOVES it though and was so ready to go. And now I love it, too :).

Jaxson wakes up ready to go everyday, and has loved making a bunch of new little friends. His favorite thing is our rotating play group on early day - wednesdays - he calls it 'double-friend day'. We have been loving watching him learn how to read - it is sometimes frustrating, but mostly awesome to help him with this new skill. I love watching him sound out a word 20 times and then finally get it. He gets so excited and proud of himself. His teacher is Mrs. Hyre and she is great - he really likes her a lot. He loves library and computers, but recess (of course) is the best part of the day!

Look at that handsome kid - We love you Jax!!